true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize