I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize