Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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