It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize