There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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