i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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