I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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