I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Damn victory sex feels great
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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