Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize