the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
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im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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