How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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