Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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