just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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