you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize