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I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She announced her abortion via fbk
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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