What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize