Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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