just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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