I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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