You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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