I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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