he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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