she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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