My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize