One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my phone needs a breathalizer
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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