I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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