His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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