She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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