I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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