3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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