guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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