if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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