very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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