My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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