the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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