I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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