I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize