Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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