there's paper in my vomit.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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