Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize