oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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