I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Are we still banned from the library?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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