it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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