five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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