i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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