I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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