I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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