Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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