Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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