I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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